Rooftop Reflections

She looked up into the city sky


Gloomy and so dark 


She looked down into the city life


Dropped her heavy heart

She hoped someone would catch it

Hear its beats of angst


Free her soul from sadness


Run through its lonely dance

One last time she took it all in


Thinking of the past


But which one was she dwelling upon?


Forever ago or the last?

They all start to blend


All these versions of herself


The new ones and the old 


The different stories they all tell

A look up to the cloudy heaven 


Another deep below


One glare all around her


At the city lights that glow

Tomorrow she will go


Really push reset


Start a new beginning

Remember but forget

Remember the happiness

The innocence that was lost


Forget the painful memories


The consequences the cost

The cost of love was high

She paid it full in price


She didn’t think she’d sink the first time


But for the last she took the dive

Plunged into knowing


Her fragile heart could break


But remember it was broken to begin with


But it still needed to awake




Wake up and smell the beauty


Feel all he has to give

All he has to offer


Remind her how to live

To live is what she came for


Reflect, heal, and discover


The lonely her that suffers


W/out the scars that linger

Without him she will find


The true person she could be

Her value and her worth


How to finally break free

Free from his grip, 
His relentless hold


Cut the string she dangles from


The chains been broken, it’s time.

Time to move, Time to prove


She’ll make it out just fine


She’ll come out victorious


Do what it takes to survive

So say goodbye


Make it count this time


It was fun while it lasted 


But take a look and cry

Cry that last tear over it


Over all the lies and games


July is nearing, June is clearing


Look past all the pain

It’s over and she knows it


One last glance at the view


Remembers exactly 3 yrs ago


The same thing she set out to do

Heal those scars

Collect them in a jar


That jar of heart and feelings


Icy soul torn apart

The Lonely will remain


Always present in her life


But speak up, speak out and fight


And Out of the silence she will arrive

A new dawn, a new day,

A new month, a new beginning


A new place, a new heart


A new her she’s bent on finding

Find the good 
in all these goodbyes


In all these tears 
streaming from her eyes

Take one last look


Below and up above


Breathe in the view


Of the city she so loves

One last thought


One last reflection


One last moment


For this rooftop’s confession:

The city lights that see her

The city sounds that scream


The city that never sleeps

The city of hopes and dreams…

Will never leave her alone


It’s there for the taking


But the days she’ll still feel sorrow


Are hers for the making 

She loved him and she cries


Confronts all those inner demons


She’ll battle them forever


Fight for blissful freedom

But it’s harder than she thinks


Doesn’t let all the people know


How much it aches and bleeds


How much further she has to go.

From this rooftop she lets it drop


To the city streets that accept it


Climbs down the fire escape to retrieve it


To fix it and finally believe in it.

Fire Escape Feelings

Watching the skyline grow dark 

As the city lights grow bright

Listening to the street sounds below

Catching its life ignite

The summer breeze

Blowing in my face

Such a beautiful place…

I could sit here dreaming

All night and all day

Strength and Self-Revelation

I'm not sure how much of this is going to make sense as it's 3:00am, but sometimes that's when the clearest thoughts come through.  (Apologizing in advance for the book!)

“All good work requires self-revelation.” – Sidney Lumet

For a while now, I’ve been wracking my brain over how to get this solo done.  Free-writing, dance improvs, different tools you learned in dance comp – but I've been coming up empty.  Today, while I was scrolling through pictures for my summer workshop brochure I came across a picture from one of coEXIST’s pieces “Forgive Me,” and all of a sudden I remembered something that our director and choreographer, Kathleen, had said when we were learning this dance.  She was re-staging a personal story on different dancers but it wasn’t going to be completely the same because “she is a different person today than she was back then.”  All of a sudden I knew what to do.  

This solo is one that I had always wanted to add on to my senior piece in college.  My piece “Out of the Silence” was about my life up until that point.  At the heart of the dance is the subdued voice that’s crying to be heard.  The music is from the “Memoirs of a Geisha” soundtrack, so it naturally had a lot of Asian themes to it.  For the most part, I made the piece about the opposing forces in my mind and in my life – the ones that cry out to be heard and the ones that are perfectly content in this “delicate, soft-spoken, respect your elders, mind over heart” value of the Asian culture.  6 girls begin movement in a circle and in silence until Yo-Yo Ma’s beautiful cello comes in – music he described as the voice of the movie’s main character.  At the time, I was a girl who felt the immense, burdening pressure from her family to be perfect.  I was a girl with concealed frustrations that weren’t supposed to be heard, but I was also a girl who was in love and thought that at least that part of her future was bright.  It was clear.  Her strength came from love.

Six years later the stakes changed.  Pain came.  Life changed.  I changed – for the better.  I am no longer that girl who knew exactly what her dreams were.  Today, I know where my life is.  I know my situation and  I still fight this constant battle of expectations from not only my family but of the world.   The future remains unclear and in a way I can’t really explain, I feel like I need to prove something to the world.  I’m still searching, still wandering, still looking for my true self… and that’s okay. 

Perhaps that is why I’m having so much trouble getting the movement out of me for this solo.  I chose 6 of my advanced girls at the studio I teach and am attempting to re-stage “Out of the Silence,” adding my solo at the end of it and also inserting myself into the group part.  “Out of the Silence” is about cultural identity, speaking up for myself and for my passion in life.  While I still struggle with those same themes, it’s linked to something else.  The girl 6 yrs ago thought she had an identity and destiny linked to another’s but the woman I have become today is linked to so much more.  I stand alone and am doing my own thing for ME.  This solo, more than ever is about the Me I am today and the Me I will become tomorrow and every day after that.  The group part of the piece is part of a past story and the solo is about the present and the future – breaking and unbinding from the things holding me back NOW, letting my voice be heard, and standing up for what is me.  

Kathleen’s words that day had always resonated with me so I went back and dug through my past to where the piece really came from and how it relates to “now.”  In 2001 there was an inspirational book called “Yell-Oh Girls” that was published and it was eye-opening for my middle school self.  In this book, “Asian American girls, speak up and speak out.  They speak for themselves, to each other, and to the world…new voices are heard and new stories become part of our greater American story.”  I looked back at all the passages and sentences I underlined that helped me with “Out of the Silence.” I remember reading one in particular to my cast in college before they performed it for the first time on stage back then, and as I read it again now, I think of coEXISTdance.

“May we look inward to find the truth…May we give words to that which is not yet spoken.  My strength, is your strength, is ours.”

When I think about CoEXISTdance, the word community comes to mind - how we give, how we support, how we stand for a cause.  Not only are we about giving towards the community, we have also built one of our own within the 8 of us.  We dance, we laugh, we share, we create, we support, and through it all we draw strength from each other – my strength, their strength, our strength.  Because of this, the self-revelation has come and the movements and feelings are finally flowing and I am thankful. =)

*Lauren Sion