Christmas Eve was a wake-up call. Ever since then I've been looking for signs. "Everything happens for a reason." Hurry up, and give me this one!
Sometimes when people tell me to just do it and move already - I wish they could be my shadow for at least 2 weeks - no maybe a month.
I am not being the least bit dramatic when I say there's the potential my very life and existence could be altered forever... changing this entire game of life. I've been practically inconsolable these past couple weeks which makes my reactions to my "wake-up call" even more important. Telling people what they mean to me, thanking them for what they've done even if they didn't know they were doing it, doing little special things - a lot of people probably think I'm just being weird or overly-attached - basically coming off a completely wrong way. Who cares?
I had a meeting in New York 2 days ago to solidify a little more of what I need to do to fight for my life so all we can do now is wait. My schedule's so ridiculous it's not even funny. One thing is contingent upon the other and I feel the pressure of people breathing down my neck to commit. I'm trying my hardest as my life has basically been put on hold.
In the meantime, I'm just trying to have moments I can remember and hold on to in case they never come along again. One of the saddest things is words never spoken, stories never told, and feelings you know you can never act upon.. but if they will give you even just a moment of reprieve and real happiness - you hold it all in and just have to sacrifice. And I'm waiting... waiting because this could be a sign to my entire future.
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